The waterfall

Last Hopes

You would be waiting below to take over my fall from me. As soon as you saw me fall, you would swim towards the waves. My raft would break up in them. A log would rise to the surface. You would cling to it as I would have clung to it a moment before. The current would sweep you away from the rough water. You will straddle the log; not even look back. You would follow the course of the river. You would be nearing the marshes. Your senses would be impregnated by the smell of stagnant water. You would be going more and more slowly. A water-lily stem would catch between your toes and anchor you in the mud. You would stop moving. You would have all the time in the world. You would have nothing more to do but wait. Waiting would take over our fall from us.

Last Memories

We were not yet ten years old. The night had brought the first polar chill and at first light we saw the river was frozen. The sun was white, still low. It had hardly showed behind the towers of the dreaded Castle. As it did every morning, it cast a shadow of the keep on the river. But that day the layer of ice lent a special solidity to the ima ge of the building. It was as if at last we were going to be allowed to explore this inaccessible place we heard such extraordinary tales of. We went sliding over the river to visit what we called the Shadowtower. The Shadowtower stretched right to the falls. Its elongated battlements just reached the beginning of the cascade. There was no time to lose; soon the rising sun would hurl them over the falls. We entered the Shadowtower.
The ice-layer was still thin; at every step, an air-bubble changed shape under our feet. As we went further and further, the air-bubbles took on more and more monstrous forms. Going along, we liberated all its dragons from the Shadowtower . We baptised each one with the most terrifying names. Their devil-dance caused by our trembling steps was accompanied by sinister cracking sounds which rang out over the frosty countryside. We were terrified, but a strange force impelled us on to the summit. We sat down at the edge of the falls, each of us perched between two battlements. The silence of the frozen water made us feel we could direct the course of events. We were the masters. The world stood still at our feet. By the time we stood up the Shadowtower had long disappeared from the surface of the river. Now it stretched over the forest, slowly raking it with its battlements, to ensnare the legendary animals which our footsteps would free the next morning.

Last Dreams

He comes to my room every day. He looks hard at me, then he sits down at the foot of the bed and turns his back on me. He is short of breath. Small puffs of warm air escape spasmodically from his mouth and cling to the windowpanes in front of him. He lifts his finger to one of the panes and draws something. I don’t see what he draws because he is between me and the glass. He never turns around to face me. When he has finished drawing he waits a long time. Then he gets up and leaves the room. On the glass, the steam has had time to condense into tiny droplets which run off the drawing, blurring it. I only just have time to recognise the features of my face. The drops join together around what was my neck, making a small waterfall which flows down onto my bed. The rest of my face is quickly swallowed up in the flow. Soon there is nothing left at all. I wake with a start. My sheets are drenched with perspiration, but my limbs are too heavy and I have neither the strength nor the courage to get out of bed.

Last Wishes

Let them remember my name and utter it only as a curse. Let them vomit my name in each other’s faces, their heads no more than a few inches apart. My name shall fly out as their spittle. Even when their throats are too swollen to pronounce my name, they shall spit it in each other’s faces. Their saliva shall run down each other’s cheeks and arms. It shall drench with the curse of my name. They shall be caught in the flood of my name. But let them suffer too from drying up inside. Let them take me back again from each other’s bodies, lick each other to bring me back. Let me run down their throats again.

Last Thoughts

I have forgotten the principle of Archimedes. Though I did learn it. But I’ve forgotten it. Like so many other things which are lying dormant inside me. I no longer have enough time to remember all that I have forgotten. I no longer even want to remember anything. I even want to get rid of everything that I have learned. Empty my head, not take its contents with me, give it a chance to escape before the great leap. Empty my head of what it contains by filling it with something else. That’s it! Find a thought big enough to take up all the space: to expel everything that’s already in it. Sink a big stupid thought inside me to bring from oblivion all that life has taught me. Set it free. Let it float in the foam.
Archimedes was wrong. Archimedes was wrong. A body is not necessarily of interest just because it falls into water. There, that’s the thought.

Last Words

You will jostle together on the river-bank just where it falls. You will keep watch for my arrival. You will catch sight of me above the river and everything will seem very calm. The trees, their reflections in the water, the water. It will seem as though I am not moving, but I will be moving very quickly. I will pass in front of you and tumble noiselessly over the edge of the river. Then you will no longer see me. You will loose sight of me in the turbulence. You will feel the frozen droplets of the spray lash against your face. You will think they are caused by my fall. You will wait for the end of my fall, but it will not come. You will be endlessly whipped and whipped by the icy splashes. You will look for calm water. You will turn your eyes upstream, towards the trees and their reflections in the water. But you will never again be able to fix your eyes on them; the current will be too strong. It will pull your gaze back relentlessly to the place where I fell.
From time to time you will think that you see the shape of my broken body in the swirling water, but it will only be an impression created by the droplets blurring your vision.